Helping a friend, family member or loved one after a traumatic event
June 19, 2023
Dr Ros Lethbridge, Senior Clinical Specialist, Phoenix Australia – the Australian National Centre of Excellence in Posttraumatic Mental Health, University of Melbourne
Last year for PTSD Awareness Day I wrote an article discussing how people can develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), its signs and symptoms, and effective treatments. If you missed it last year, that article is linked
here. This year I thought it might be helpful to consider how you can support a friend, family member, or loved one after they have experienced a traumatic event.
Traumatic events involve situations that are either life-threatening or have the potential for serious injury, such as physical or sexual assault, disaster, war or a serious accident.
Most people will experience at least one of these types of events during their lives. After a traumatic event, many people experience strong feelings of fear, sadness, guilt, anger, or grief. They might find it hard to cope and it might take a while to come to terms with what has happened. These feelings will usually become less intense after a few weeks. The support of family and friends is particularly important during this time. This article will provide you with some ideas of things you can do to help.
Provide Practical Support
After someone has been through a traumatic experience, re-establishing a normal routine can help to restore a sense of order and control in their life. Some of the ways you can help them return to their normal routine include:
- Recognise that they have been through an extremely stressful event and may need time and space to deal with it. You can help them to find that time and space by providing practical support, such as offering to take care of the kids or do the weekly shopping.
- Encourage them to limit their exposure to media coverage of the event. You might offer to keep track of the news and inform them of new or important information so that they don’t feel the need to monitor it continuously.
- Encourage them to look after themselves by getting plenty of rest, eating well, exercising regularly, making time for relaxation and cutting back on coffee, cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol.
- Join them in doing enjoyable things and encourage them to plan to do at least one enjoyable thing each day. You may need to help the person come up with ideas of things they can do, for example, ask what activities they used to enjoy before the traumatic event.
- Acknowledge their achievements. Sometimes it’s hard to see that things are improving, and the person may need you to point out when they have achieved a goal, no matter how small.
- Encourage them to seek professional help if they are still finding it hard to cope more than two weeks after the traumatic event. Their GP is a good first point of contact.
Provide Emotional Support
Your friend, family member or loved one may or may not want to talk about their experience or feelings. If they do want to talk, the following tips may be helpful:
- Choose a time to talk when you won’t be interrupted, or feel rushed or tired.
- Provide reassurance that distress is to be expected after an experience like theirs.
- Understand that talking about trauma can be painful and the person may get upset. This is a natural part of coming to terms with their experience. Don’t feel that you have to make their distress go away.
- Make another time to talk if it seems like the person is too distressed to continue.
Listening is very important, but it can sometimes be hard to know what to say. Don’t worry about saying ‘the right thing’. There is no right thing to say, but here are a few pointers:
- Try to put yourself in their shoes, don’t interrupt or offer examples from your own life, or talk about yourself.
- Avoid offering simple reassurances such as, “I know how you feel” or “You’ll be OK”.
- Acknowledge their distress with statements like, “It’s really tough to go through something like this”
- Show that you understand by re-phrasing the information they give you. Try starting with something like, “You seem really…”, “It sounds like…”, “Did I understand right that you…”, “No wonder you feel…”
If they don’t want to talk, you can still show your support by spending time with them, talking about other things, and doing practical things to help. Let them be alone for a while if that’s what they want, but encourage them to have company for some time each day. Social connection is important for recovery.
And of course, don’t forget to look after yourself! Looking after friends, family and loved ones impacted by trauma can be stressful and tiring, and you may need to consider taking time to look after your own health and wellbeing.
Useful resources
The Australian Guidelines for the Prevention and Treatment of Acute Stress Disorder, PTSD and Complex PTSD provide evidence-based recommendations that promote recovery following trauma, as well as effective treatment options for people who develop PTSD and other posttraumatic mental health conditions. A helpful summary of the recommended psychological treatments that have found to be effective to treat people with PTSD can be found here.
If you are interested in training in supporting people to recover from psychological trauma, Phoenix Australia offers a practical Psychological First Aid course.
Just like we aim to exercise on a regular basis, our wellbeing must also follow a similar regime. Now our brain can be good for a few things, but it may not be as useful if we fail to recognise that we need time to indulge in activities that soothe the mind. This World Mental Health Day, we want to encourage you to notice what makes you thrive. Prioritising your own wellbeing encourages growth in the right direction- being the best version of yourself. Why is mental health important? Reported by the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW), about 2 in 5 Australians aged 16-85 (22% or 4.3 million) have experienced a mental disorder. Yet, within 2020-2022, only 17.4% of Australians of this age group saw a health professional for their mental health. Mental health struggles are worldwide, and your wellbeing is challenged at the hands of your daily life. It is important to understand that your body and mind co-exist to shape your social and physical ventures. When struggling with your mental health, your ability to think, feel and act is affected by your current wellbeing levels. Practising healthy wellbeing habits extends not only to how you feel about yourself, but your social relationships with family, friends, colleagues and strangers. It can be difficult to avoid the mental stress in our lives, but with habits that boost your wellbeing, you can build resilience and the confidence to tackle them day by day. 7 Ways, 7 Days A simple and easy way to start prioritising your wellbeing is self-care! You can find below 7 ways to take steps towards bettering your mental health over 7 days. Day One – Journal your thoughts and feelings Journalling your thoughts is a great way to release any stress, tension or energy that is affecting your mental health. It provides a safe space where you can reflect and identify any of your needs you are neglecting and a first step into prioritising your wellbeing. Day Two – Watch the sunset with a cup of tea Something as simple as sitting down and having a cup of tea is an easy way to ground yourself and reset after a long day. Acts of self-care do not need to be dramatically planned events, it can be a small thing, like having your favourite drink, where you take the time to consider yourself. Day Three – Create a morning routine Creating a routine and sticking to it can be a great way to help us recharge, manage stress, motivate us to get out of bed and prioritise our happiness and health. An example of a morning routine could be; avoiding screens for the first 10 minutes of your day, treating yourself to a coffee and a five-minute meditation. Day Four – Reconnect with a friend Social connections are key in relieving overwhelming emotions and calming our nerves. Talking to someone that you trust and feel comforted by can feel like a huge weight off our shoulders. You can reconnect with a friend by text, via a phone call and over a coffee to improve both of your social wellbeing! Day Five – Write down three things you are grateful for Writing things down can enhance your mental clarity and boost mindfulness when reflecting on the things that bring you joy and happiness. It gives the opportunity for your brain the recognise the good things in your life, especially if you are experiencing mental hardships. Day Six – Listen to music and go for a walk Nature can be powerful in changing our perspective of our circumstances, providing awe and wonder that can be a natural mood booster. By combining this with exercise and music, we can regulate our emotions, boost our moods and increase self-esteem as an act of self-care. Day Seven – Watch your favourite feel-good movie Movies can be a wonderful tool to help us recharge, decompress and regulate. It provides an escape from our minds allowing us to connect and reflect on the story we are being told. Remember though, we are what we watch, so make sure the movie you pick is one that brings joy, not a true crime, sad story. Taking the first step! At the MHFA, we have many ways for you to prioritise your wellbeing such as our Wellness Hub, where we provide low-cost $30 counselling sessions or our Support Groups which cover a range topics such as bipolar, trauma anxiety and depression. To reach out for support you can visit https://www.mhfa.org.au/get-support There is no one way to support your wellbeing. Habits can be varied and tailored to you, but that’s what makes it’s so important. Recognising what makes you shine and making time for yourself, especially on days that get difficult. Co-authored by Nicolette Buick and Sarah Auslender
If you are feeling socially isolated, lonely, or both, you are not alone. The Household, Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (HILDA) survey reported that loneliness effected 1 in 10 Australians in 2023. Social isolation is defined as having objectively few social relationships or roles and infrequent social contact whereas loneliness is defined as a subjective, unpleasant, or distressing feeling of a lack of connection to other people, along with a desire for more, or more satisfying, social relationships. Social isolation is linked to mental illness, emotional distress, decreased wellbeing and poor health behaviours such as poor sleep, smoking and physical inactivity. More surprisingly, it has been linked to poor physical health effects such as high blood pressure and impaired immune function. Loneliness has similarly been linked to poor physical and mental health, psychological distress, and life dissatisfaction. It is easy to consider loneliness and isolation as one negative factor in your life, but its relation to other adverse mental and physical effects shouldn't go unnoticed. Isolation and loneliness look different on everyone and can be caused by a diverse range of factors. Some common causes are living with a mental health condition, life changes like a new school, social exclusion based on identity, financial hardship, a lack of confidence, difficulty opening up, and many more. Whether it’s these reasons, something else, or no tangible reason at all, you are not alone. Despite the lack of control you may feel due to these factors, know that there is always community and people who resonate or want to help. When it comes to feeling lonely or being isolated, it can be hard to look to the future or seek help. In fact, more than half of people living in Australia say they don’t talk to others about feeling lonely, and nearly half say they’re too embarrassed to admit this to others. It is also completely understandable that if you feel lonely for a particular reason, you might feel disconnected or feel like people may see you differently. Sometimes, a feeling of not belonging makes it harder to feel confident reaching out, due to fear of still feeling misunderstood or isolated after reaching out. This is a very understandable feeling, but there is absolutely no shame in feeling lonely, and the more you take steps to connect, the more you’ll be able to find connection. There is no one size fits all solution to preventing loneliness. Things which may help include engaging in community, sporting or creative memberships, contributing to an organisation as a volunteer, sharing your story online, or taking up a hobby or reaching out to someone you know. Starting small is often all you need to make steps in the right direction. Other ways to remedy feelings of loneliness or isolation include seeking professional support. Support groups can often be soothing, where speaking to people who share a shared lived experience in a candid way may break barriers or reduce feelings of shame. Counselling is another avenue worth exploring, where an objective individual who is invested in listening and assisting helps contribute to lessened feelings of aloneness. Whatever fits for you, if you are feeing lonely or isolated, know, it is more common than you think, and there are always avenues of support available when you are ready. References: https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/Strong-relationships-strong-health#bhc-content https://www.aihw.gov.au/mental-health/topic-areas/social-isolation-and-loneliness Written by Callista Nguyen
Bullying No Way Week, taking place from August 11 to 15, 2025, is Australia’s leading initiative to help schools foster understanding of bullying behaviour and strengthen prevention strategies. With its empowering theme— "Be bold. Be kind. Speak up." —this campaign brings together government, families, schools, and communities to address bullying, especially the growing concern of cyberbullying in today’s digital world. By encouraging courage, kindness, and open communication, Bullying No Way Week reminds us that everyone has a role to play in preventing bullying and supporting those affected by it. Understanding Cyberbullying and Its Impact What is cyberbullying? Cyberbullying refers to harmful behaviours carried out through digital platforms—such as social media, messaging apps, emails, or online games. Unlike traditional bullying, cyberbullying can follow young people beyond school grounds and into their private spaces, often occurring at any time of day. It often begins with increased screen time on platforms like YouTube and can escalate to social media misuse. In response to growing concerns, the Australian Government recently passed legislation restricting YouTube access for children, highlighting the seriousness of the issue. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW): - In 2015–16, nearly 70% of children aged 12–13 experienced at least one instance of bullying-like behaviour within a year—impacting approximately 160,000 young people. - Between 2014–17, 1 in 5 Year 4 students reported experiencing weekly bullying. - An eSafety survey revealed that 1 in 4 children aged 8–12 had encountered unwanted contact or harmful material online. These aren’t just statistics they represent children who may be feeling anxious, isolated, or overwhelmed. Harmful messages, exclusion from group chats, or online rumours can deeply affect self-esteem, academic performance, and emotional wellbeing. The persistent nature of cyberbullying can feel relentless, making it essential for us to respond with empathy and a focus on safe, supportive environments. Last year, we hosted an event titled The Big Debate as part of the Youth Leaders Forum, exploring the provocative topic: Should social media be banned for individuals under 18? This engaging forum, organised by the Mental Health Foundation Australia, brought together young voices to reflect on the impact of digital platforms on youth mental health. The event is part of a broader initiative to promote awareness, critical thinking, and open dialogue around the intersection of technology and wellbeing. Practical Tips for Schools and Families Preventing cyberbullying is a shared responsibility. Here are practical, compassionate steps you can take drawn from Bullying No Way and AIHW resources: For Schools: - Create Safe Spaces for Dialogue - Foster inclusive environments where students feel safe sharing their experiences—through peer-led discussions, assemblies, or classroom conversations. - Promote Digital Citizenship - Use resources from eSafety to educate students on respectful online behaviour and how to safely report harmful conduct. - Update Anti-Bullying Policies - Ensure policies explicitly address cyberbullying with clear steps for reporting, support, and resolution. - Engage the Community - Organize workshops or events during Bullying No Way Week, inviting families and local organizations to learn about bullying prevention. For Families: - Listen Without Judgment - Create a safe, open space where children feel heard and supported when talking about their online experiences. - Teach Safe Online Habits - Help children protect their privacy—by avoiding oversharing and recognizing when to block or report harmful interactions. - Model Positive Behaviour - Demonstrate respectful, kind communication in your own online interactions. Children often emulate adult behaviour. - Know Support Resources - Familiarise yourself with services like Kids Helpline and eSafety for guidance on how to respond if your child is affected. Kids Helpline: A private, confidential 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5–25. Call 1800 55 1800 – Available 24/7. For You: Steps to Stay Safe Online If you or someone you know is experiencing cyberbullying, here are some steps you can take to protect yourself: - Avoid Engagement - Responding to bullies may escalate the situation. Choosing not to engage often discourages them, as they usually seek a reaction. - Report Harmful Behaviour - Most platforms have reporting tools that allow you to flag cyberbullying. These reports can lead to content removal or account suspension. - Block the Offender - Blocking prevents further contact. Before doing so, take screenshots of the bullying content to preserve evidence. - Save the Evidence - Document threatening messages, images, or posts by taking screenshots or saving them securely. If keeping this material affects your wellbeing, send it to a trusted adult and remove it from your device. - Adjust Your Privacy Settings - Review and tighten privacy settings regularly to limit who can see or contact you. Restrict access from strangers or anyone making you uncomfortable. - Seek Support - Talk to someone you trust—such as a parent, teacher, school counsellor. Keep the conversation going until you feel safe and supported. We're here to support At the MHFA Wellness Hub, we offer compassionate, professional counselling services for children and adolescents who may have experienced different forms of bullying, including cyberbullying. Our caring provisional clinician provides a safe, non-judgmental space where students feel heard, valued, and supported. Every session is thoughtfully tailored to each student’s unique experience and emotional needs. Support is accessible, with individual sessions available for just $30. Learn more about Wellness Hub: https://wellnesshub.mhfa.org.au/ Cyberbullying can feel overwhelming, but no one has to face it alone. Together, by being bold, being kind, and speaking up, we can create safer digital spaces where all young people feel valued and protected. Every act of empathy, every listening ear, and every shared resource contributes to a future where kindness leads the way.
