Helping a friend, family member or loved one after a traumatic event
June 19, 2023
Dr Ros Lethbridge, Senior Clinical Specialist, Phoenix Australia – the Australian National Centre of Excellence in Posttraumatic Mental Health, University of Melbourne
Last year for PTSD Awareness Day I wrote an article discussing how people can develop posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), its signs and symptoms, and effective treatments. If you missed it last year, that article is linked
here. This year I thought it might be helpful to consider how you can support a friend, family member, or loved one after they have experienced a traumatic event.
Traumatic events involve situations that are either life-threatening or have the potential for serious injury, such as physical or sexual assault, disaster, war or a serious accident.
Most people will experience at least one of these types of events during their lives. After a traumatic event, many people experience strong feelings of fear, sadness, guilt, anger, or grief. They might find it hard to cope and it might take a while to come to terms with what has happened. These feelings will usually become less intense after a few weeks. The support of family and friends is particularly important during this time. This article will provide you with some ideas of things you can do to help.
Provide Practical Support
After someone has been through a traumatic experience, re-establishing a normal routine can help to restore a sense of order and control in their life. Some of the ways you can help them return to their normal routine include:
- Recognise that they have been through an extremely stressful event and may need time and space to deal with it. You can help them to find that time and space by providing practical support, such as offering to take care of the kids or do the weekly shopping.
- Encourage them to limit their exposure to media coverage of the event. You might offer to keep track of the news and inform them of new or important information so that they don’t feel the need to monitor it continuously.
- Encourage them to look after themselves by getting plenty of rest, eating well, exercising regularly, making time for relaxation and cutting back on coffee, cigarettes, drugs, and alcohol.
- Join them in doing enjoyable things and encourage them to plan to do at least one enjoyable thing each day. You may need to help the person come up with ideas of things they can do, for example, ask what activities they used to enjoy before the traumatic event.
- Acknowledge their achievements. Sometimes it’s hard to see that things are improving, and the person may need you to point out when they have achieved a goal, no matter how small.
- Encourage them to seek professional help if they are still finding it hard to cope more than two weeks after the traumatic event. Their GP is a good first point of contact.
Provide Emotional Support
Your friend, family member or loved one may or may not want to talk about their experience or feelings. If they do want to talk, the following tips may be helpful:
- Choose a time to talk when you won’t be interrupted, or feel rushed or tired.
- Provide reassurance that distress is to be expected after an experience like theirs.
- Understand that talking about trauma can be painful and the person may get upset. This is a natural part of coming to terms with their experience. Don’t feel that you have to make their distress go away.
- Make another time to talk if it seems like the person is too distressed to continue.
Listening is very important, but it can sometimes be hard to know what to say. Don’t worry about saying ‘the right thing’. There is no right thing to say, but here are a few pointers:
- Try to put yourself in their shoes, don’t interrupt or offer examples from your own life, or talk about yourself.
- Avoid offering simple reassurances such as, “I know how you feel” or “You’ll be OK”.
- Acknowledge their distress with statements like, “It’s really tough to go through something like this”
- Show that you understand by re-phrasing the information they give you. Try starting with something like, “You seem really…”, “It sounds like…”, “Did I understand right that you…”, “No wonder you feel…”
If they don’t want to talk, you can still show your support by spending time with them, talking about other things, and doing practical things to help. Let them be alone for a while if that’s what they want, but encourage them to have company for some time each day. Social connection is important for recovery.
And of course, don’t forget to look after yourself! Looking after friends, family and loved ones impacted by trauma can be stressful and tiring, and you may need to consider taking time to look after your own health and wellbeing.
Useful resources
The Australian Guidelines for the Prevention and Treatment of Acute Stress Disorder, PTSD and Complex PTSD provide evidence-based recommendations that promote recovery following trauma, as well as effective treatment options for people who develop PTSD and other posttraumatic mental health conditions. A helpful summary of the recommended psychological treatments that have found to be effective to treat people with PTSD can be found here.
If you are interested in training in supporting people to recover from psychological trauma, Phoenix Australia offers a practical Psychological First Aid course.
Bullying No Way Week, taking place from August 11 to 15, 2025, is Australia’s leading initiative to help schools foster understanding of bullying behaviour and strengthen prevention strategies. With its empowering theme— "Be bold. Be kind. Speak up." —this campaign brings together government, families, schools, and communities to address bullying, especially the growing concern of cyberbullying in today’s digital world. By encouraging courage, kindness, and open communication, Bullying No Way Week reminds us that everyone has a role to play in preventing bullying and supporting those affected by it. Understanding Cyberbullying and Its Impact What is cyberbullying? Cyberbullying refers to harmful behaviours carried out through digital platforms—such as social media, messaging apps, emails, or online games. Unlike traditional bullying, cyberbullying can follow young people beyond school grounds and into their private spaces, often occurring at any time of day. It often begins with increased screen time on platforms like YouTube and can escalate to social media misuse. In response to growing concerns, the Australian Government recently passed legislation restricting YouTube access for children, highlighting the seriousness of the issue. According to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW): - In 2015–16, nearly 70% of children aged 12–13 experienced at least one instance of bullying-like behaviour within a year—impacting approximately 160,000 young people. - Between 2014–17, 1 in 5 Year 4 students reported experiencing weekly bullying. - An eSafety survey revealed that 1 in 4 children aged 8–12 had encountered unwanted contact or harmful material online. These aren’t just statistics they represent children who may be feeling anxious, isolated, or overwhelmed. Harmful messages, exclusion from group chats, or online rumours can deeply affect self-esteem, academic performance, and emotional wellbeing. The persistent nature of cyberbullying can feel relentless, making it essential for us to respond with empathy and a focus on safe, supportive environments. Last year, we hosted an event titled The Big Debate as part of the Youth Leaders Forum, exploring the provocative topic: Should social media be banned for individuals under 18? This engaging forum, organised by the Mental Health Foundation Australia, brought together young voices to reflect on the impact of digital platforms on youth mental health. The event is part of a broader initiative to promote awareness, critical thinking, and open dialogue around the intersection of technology and wellbeing. Practical Tips for Schools and Families Preventing cyberbullying is a shared responsibility. Here are practical, compassionate steps you can take drawn from Bullying No Way and AIHW resources: For Schools: - Create Safe Spaces for Dialogue - Foster inclusive environments where students feel safe sharing their experiences—through peer-led discussions, assemblies, or classroom conversations. - Promote Digital Citizenship - Use resources from eSafety to educate students on respectful online behaviour and how to safely report harmful conduct. - Update Anti-Bullying Policies - Ensure policies explicitly address cyberbullying with clear steps for reporting, support, and resolution. - Engage the Community - Organize workshops or events during Bullying No Way Week, inviting families and local organizations to learn about bullying prevention. For Families: - Listen Without Judgment - Create a safe, open space where children feel heard and supported when talking about their online experiences. - Teach Safe Online Habits - Help children protect their privacy—by avoiding oversharing and recognizing when to block or report harmful interactions. - Model Positive Behaviour - Demonstrate respectful, kind communication in your own online interactions. Children often emulate adult behaviour. - Know Support Resources - Familiarise yourself with services like Kids Helpline and eSafety for guidance on how to respond if your child is affected. Kids Helpline: A private, confidential 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5–25. Call 1800 55 1800 – Available 24/7. For You: Steps to Stay Safe Online If you or someone you know is experiencing cyberbullying, here are some steps you can take to protect yourself: - Avoid Engagement - Responding to bullies may escalate the situation. Choosing not to engage often discourages them, as they usually seek a reaction. - Report Harmful Behaviour - Most platforms have reporting tools that allow you to flag cyberbullying. These reports can lead to content removal or account suspension. - Block the Offender - Blocking prevents further contact. Before doing so, take screenshots of the bullying content to preserve evidence. - Save the Evidence - Document threatening messages, images, or posts by taking screenshots or saving them securely. If keeping this material affects your wellbeing, send it to a trusted adult and remove it from your device. - Adjust Your Privacy Settings - Review and tighten privacy settings regularly to limit who can see or contact you. Restrict access from strangers or anyone making you uncomfortable. - Seek Support - Talk to someone you trust—such as a parent, teacher, school counsellor. Keep the conversation going until you feel safe and supported. We're here to support At the MHFA Wellness Hub, we offer compassionate, professional counselling services for children and adolescents who may have experienced different forms of bullying, including cyberbullying. Our caring provisional clinician provides a safe, non-judgmental space where students feel heard, valued, and supported. Every session is thoughtfully tailored to each student’s unique experience and emotional needs. Support is accessible, with individual sessions available for just $30. Learn more about Wellness Hub: https://wellnesshub.mhfa.org.au/ Cyberbullying can feel overwhelming, but no one has to face it alone. Together, by being bold, being kind, and speaking up, we can create safer digital spaces where all young people feel valued and protected. Every act of empathy, every listening ear, and every shared resource contributes to a future where kindness leads the way.
As the back-to-school season begins across Australia, many families are preparing for a fresh start, new classrooms, teachers, and friendships. This time can bring a mix of emotions: excitement, curiosity, and sometimes, uncertainty. It’s completely natural for both children and parents to feel this way. With a little planning and mindful support, we can help create a smoother, more positive transition into the school year for everyone involved. Starting a new school year is a big change. For some children, it may bring butterflies in the stomach, while for others, it may take a little longer to adjust. These feelings are valid and part of growing up. It’s also important to recognise that for families from diverse cultural or linguistic backgrounds, school transitions may come with extra layers such as navigating different expectations, adjusting to routines, or working through communication barriers. Creating understanding at home and at school can help children feel more secure and confident. Signs to Gently Notice: Children may express emotional discomfort in different ways, and sometimes, these signs are easy to overlook. You know your child best—trust your instincts and look for subtle changes, such as: Mood shifts or seeming quieter than usual Difficulty expressing what they’re feeling Withdrawing from favourite activities or friendships Changes in sleep, appetite, or daily habits Hesitation or worry about going to school These signals can be considered as an opportunity to connect with your child and offer extra support. Gentle conversations and open listening can make a big difference. And if you ever feel unsure, speaking with a school counsellor or mental health professional can help you feel more confident in supporting your child. Why Early Support Matters? Studies show that emotional wellbeing during childhood can have a lasting impact into later life. That’s why being proactive by offering reassurance, guidance, and safe spaces to talk can be incredibly powerful. There’s no need to wait until things feel overwhelming. Even small steps, taken early, can help children build resilience and feel more secure as they navigate life’s changes. Practical and Positive Ways to Support Your Child Here are some gentle strategies to support your child’s emotional wellbeing as the school year begins: Notice and acknowledge small changes. They may be telling you something important. Create space for open conversations. Ask how they’re feeling about school and let them know it’s okay to talk about worries even little ones. Work with the school team. Teachers, school staff, and counsellors can be valuable partners in your child’s wellbeing. Model calm and care. Creating a home environment that feels safe, inclusive, and encouraging helps children feel more grounded and supported. Dear Parents, You Matter Too. Transitions can be just as emotional for parents and caregivers. You are doing your best and that’s enough. Whether you’re navigating your own workload, changes at home, or the emotions that come with parenting, your feelings are valid too. Taking time to care for yourself is important. Whether it's talking to a friend, taking a quiet moment for yourself, or reaching out to a support service, looking after your own wellbeing helps the whole family thrive. We’re Here to Walk Alongside You At the MHFA Wellness Hub, we offer caring and professional counselling services for children and families navigating change. Our provisional clinicians work gently and respectfully with each family’s unique needs offering guidance, listening ears, and practical, evidence-informed strategies to help build emotional wellbeing. We believe every child deserves to feel heard, and every parent deserves to feel supported. Learn more about Wellness Hub: https://wellnesshub.mhfa.org.au/ Visit our website to explore free resources, and try the Supportive Mind App , designed to help children and parents manage everyday stress and emotional ups and downs in simple, compassionate ways. Let’s Begin This School Year with Confidence and Care Every school year brings new beginnings and with the right support, those beginnings can feel full of hope. Your child’s wellbeing matters. And so does yours. Written by Simranpreet Gill and Anne Bui
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